Healing through Captivating

Not only have I been touched by what we are learning and discussing in Girl Talk, but the other interns are as well. This is a personal post from one of our interns this year, shared with permission. Thanks Jen for sharing your heart with us.

I have been reflecting today upon the Girl Talk Bible study. We have been going over “Captivating” by John and Stasi Eldredge. I can’t say that I’m totally in love with the book (it’s better now than it was the first few chapters), but I have appreciated the discussion. It has gotten me continually focusing on healing and what God wants of me.

If I were to tell anyone of my life, most of them would say, “Oh, you’ve had a pretty good life. Your parents were there for you and you were a good kid.” Yes, my childhood and life has probably been better than many people out there, but just because it has been good, it doesn’t mean that I am without wounds. There are many a time I can think back to being hurt by people around me. It wasn’t necessarily some major event; some of the things were rather menial. Nevertheless, it made an impact and that can still be seen today.

I’m starting to realize where some of my thoughts come from of not being good enough, of not being pretty enough, or not being worthy to have friends. Over the past month, I’ve learned to let the tears flow more freely and let go of those lies (some of the lies are hidden in things much deeper, that I have yet to discover). I’ve begun letting myself become more transparent and vulnerable. So far, it is mostly to God, but I hope that in the coming months, that I will be able to form a friendship that will entail just that.

This morning a song caught my attention during Bible study (we played music and had a time of prayer for it); it was “From the Inside Out” by Hillsong United. A part of the chorus is what hit me (in bold)… the chorus is:
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fadesNever ending, Your glory goes beyond all fameIn my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you controlConsume me from the inside out LordLet justice and praise become my embraceTo love You from the inside out

I think that is what I want this year – to be consumed by God. I know it will take letting myself be healed, but how great it will be when I can tell people that the change is thanks to God.